This has been the most productive sick week ever.

I have only worked one day this week. Partly due to whatever Martian death flu I've been inflicted with and partly because job #3 ran out of work. If they don't scan in the work fast enough and we catch up, then we get an instant day off. Which is nice when you feel like concentrated ass, but it sucks when it's paycheck time.

Since I found myself with copious amounts of "free time" and since the Etsy thing exploded on Wednesday, I've been able to be crafty this week. Which is nice; I was going through withdrawals. The downside is that if I go too fast or bend over, I get dizzy. So it's been slow. I thought I was all better a few days ago and probably over did it... woke up the next day and felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I hate being sick.

In other news, I just got off the phone with the Department of Education. Why are they so damn nice? My federal loans have been in deferment pretty much since 2002, and they are all just so freakin lovely and willing to help when I'm down and out. Not like Sallie Mae, who could give two shits that between three jobs I can't afford the monthly payment because they want more than I make in a month and a half. And the customer "service" reps are bastards. There. I said it. Jerks...

Even though I'm greatfull that the feds are willing to work with me, the fact that I've qualified for economic hardship deferment for the last 8 years is depressing. And the worst part is that student loans are pretty much our only debt. It's not like we're driving fancy cars or wearing designer clothing; we get by on what little we can. And we're not malcontent about it, either. It's just our life and we do what we have to.

I'm still in shock. And it's wonderful!

In about 24 hours, I have gotten over 10,000 views to my diploma on Etsy. in fact, because I'm obsessing, I have gotten over 100 in the last half hour. This is awesome.

I am currently fighting some kind of martian death flu, and have every intention of replying to all the messages I've received that warrant a response once I can string together a coherent thought.

Thank you all, you nutjobs.

Holy hell.

So all I did was put a snarky post on Etsy and suddenly I am overwhelmed with support from total strangers. I love all you nutjobs.

So, how are things?

Alright, I will admit that I haven't been keeping up with this blog because it's too damn depressing. And I had a period of time there where all I wanted to do was go to bed and be unconscious. Not sleep, just be out because it was more appealing that the alternative, which is currently three jobs that add up to a grand total of a little over $13K a year. I'm living in the lap of luxury, folks.

A lot has happened since I last blogged, but that mostly comprises me running around like a headless chicken trying to keep the days of the week straight. Mondays and Wednesdays, I work at the community college as a Master Tutor (which sounds more impressive than it is; Master Tutor = I have a college degree), then in the afternoons I babysit. Yes. I babysit. At 30. To pay my bills. Brilliant. Tuesdays and Thursdays I work 8 hour shifts grading standardized tests for a local company, and they're ESL tests, and the only thing that gets me though those days are some of the adorable answers the students write. Fridays are my "light" days, as I am only tutoring. For now, I have the weekends off, but I have been contemplating a fourth job. Which I already know would be a bad idea, but I'm just that broke.

I am behind on Sallie Mae, which is to say that I haven't made a single payment, and my "deferment" is over, and I don't have $150 for another one month deferment. And the monthly payment they want is more than I *make* in a month. So that sucks. I did, however, grab some attention with the diploma I listed on Etsy. I went from a modest 900 views in a month to over 5100 OVERNIGHT. I have Regretsy to thank for that. They linked it on their fan page on Facebook and the response was overwhelming. I suppose the next step would be to get some media attention somehow, but I don't even know where to begin. It would be nice if someone came along and bought it, but I really posted it to bring attention to Sallie Mae's collection "tactics". Because telling me to move into a homeless shelter so I can send them my rent money isn't constructive. It just adds to my already tangible sense of fail.

No, really, I'm much better.

After nearly 4 years in a crappy rental house, the husbo and I were fortunate enough to stumble upon this fantastic duplex that just *happened* to be available for rent. It also just *happened* to be bigger than our previous crapshack and just *happened* to be cheaper. Like, $210 A MONTH cheaper. So we've spent the last 15 days preparing, painting, packing, and finally moving. We're in the final throws of cleaning 4 years of grime out of the house, and even though there are a few things left to do, I swear the house is cleaner than it was when we moved in. And I bet the landlord will find some asinine reason to keep our security deposit.

In work-related news, I like my job as a tutor, but still feel largely redundant in class. I'm not really there enough to feel like a giant ass full time, but the six hours I'm in class I never know how to "be". It's not my class, but I have an overwhelming urge to teach. To prevent anything that can be construed as overstepping my bounds, I don't say anything. The problem is, neither do any of the students. No one ever seems to willingly contribute to class discussion, and as a result, one professor in particular turns to me to answer questions. The only response I want to give is, "I already have two bachelors degrees. Why don't you ask your students?".

I do have little glimmers, though. I have a student who has "never written a paper before". He comes to me to get help, but he hasn't done any of the pre-writing assignments yet. Hell, he was provided with source articles that he hadn't even read yet. The paper is about weather or not Michael Vick should be allowed back in the NFL. Personally, I think he should be allowed to play ball again when his dogs can.... oh, wait, they're dead. But personal opinions get pushed aside when your goal is to get a student to do his damn work. So I ask if he's read the articles, and it turns out that he's read one... the one that supports HIS opinion, that Vick should be let back in. So I tell him, "The best way to construct an argument is to anticipate what the other side is going to say and make a counter-argument". Translation: Read your damn homework. He sat there and read it... and when he finished, he sat back in his chair, looked at me, and said he was going to change his mind. I got goosebumps... not because this kid suddenly decided to agree with me, but because he came to a conclusion based on research right before my eyes (okay, "research" is a loose term, but I'm going with it). I have no idea if he actually wrote the paper, though...

This is better?

As a part time tutor at the community college, I get to sit through two classes three times a week. It's basically a high school level class, so I mostly read or write shitty poetry for the amusement of my friends. I don't have the same one-on-one interactions with the students like I did in the high schools, and it bugs me. Mostly because everyone is so quiet. It's not my class, so I can't start dancing on the desks to get their attention (well, I could.....). Even in the hallways, it's too friggin quiet.

The first class I sit through is at 8. Lord, 8 AM comes early after a summer of unemployment. And it's pretty apparent that the students are of the same mindset... especially the girl who's 8 months pregnant and comes in late every day, reeking of cigarettes. Lately, she's been sick, so she comes in, stinks up the place, hacks up a lung, and chugs Diet Mt. Dew. She's maybe all of 19, and she has a 2 year old. It kills me that I'm going to be 30 this year and have done everything in my power to *not* get pregnant.....

In the second class, I have a student who has Flintstone feet. It's pretty insignificant, but I find myself staring at them for the whole hour. He wears the same pair of oversized Adidas sandals, and they offer a perfect view of his stubby toes. In my head, I have nicknamed him Fred.

In other news, for those of you keeping score (the, what... 3 of you who read this?) my sister finally got a job. A real, grownup job with a grownup salary and grown up insurance. I am terribly, terribly excited for her, and relieved, and jealous beyond belief. She'll argue that she's been unemployed since February, which is valid... until I point out that I've been a glorified baby sitter for over a year and have *2* college degrees to her one. So I win the pity contest; hopefully the prize is a waiver for the massive student loans I'm staring down....

I'm actually doing better.

I still have no job, and had a melt down a few days ago in Office Max over twistable crayons. Crayons. I kid you not. They were a buck, too. What got me was thinking, 'hey, these would be great for my classroom. If I ever GET a classroom...', which set me off. It's another school year and I'm relegated to subbing. Again. I hate subbing, but you do what you have to, I guess.

I have a part time gig as a tutor at the community college. It's 9 hours a week, and I basically sit there and either read or write. I've started a few short stories, which is mildly exciting. I gave up writing after I graduated from college the first time because I was preoccupied with, you know, working. So this has been win-win, I guess... $11 an hour to sit in a high school level class and write my own stuff so it looks like I care about what's being taught. At least it's not a remedial grammar class.

I also have an hour in which I sit in the tutoring center and take students on a drop-in or appointment basis. Last Wednesday, after my first class, I had a pretty busy hour, what with the developmentally challenged student whose class had been canceled and came because he didn't know what else to do (which is actually a pretty good strategy, except he had no assignments to get help with, since, you know, his class was canceled) and a guy who wanted to know if I knew how he could get the information he needed out of a 100+ page reading assignment without doing the actual reading. He wasn't even a student at the college; he's in a Master's program at a local seminary college. And this was for a Christian History class. I mean, this is what you need to *know*. This is history. Facts. Events. Dates. Information that is potentially relevant to, you know, what you plan on doing for the rest of your life. There are no Cliff Noted for 2,000 years worth of triumphs, persecution, martyrs, dogma, Calvinists, popes, corruption, etc, etc, etc... And the best part was totally when the guy answers his goddammned cellphone in the middle of my friggin' advice. At that point I just wanted him out and contemplated telling him he'd make a really shitty priest.

The hubbs and I will also be moving in a few weeks to a place that's bigger, nicer, and cheaper, if you can believe that. $210 a month cheaper, to be exact. When you have very little in the way of an income, every little bit helps. We also discovered a pretty kick-ass thrift store today after "breakfast" (it should not cost a couple $12 to get two mochas and a piece of cake, but it was nice to get out...), so when we get into the new place we can decorate it a la shabby chic and not spend a ton. It would only be cheaper if it were free.