I will survive.

I made it through Freshman Orientation. Which isn't much of an accomplishment since classes are all of 10 minutes long and they come to me. Though the air conditioner in my room is not working and I'm waering pants and sweating balls.... now more meetings.

I feel like the bottom just fell out. But in a good way.

You know that ride at amusement parks that uses centrifugal force to keep you plastered to the wall while the floor drops away? And the whole time you're screaming because you're terrified but enjoying every last minute of it?

Today's my first faculty institute. Tomorrow is Freshman Orientation. Wednesday is the first day of school. I kinda feel like I'm on that ride.

We have arrived!

So we've been in Indiana for 19 days, and in that 19 days we have moved in, unpacked everything we can with no furniture, scoped out the IKEA catalog for all the cool shit we're going to buy when I start getting paid, gotten my school keys, set up my classroom, learned where some of the stuff is at school, went to the beach, spent about 100 hours in the pool, missed a meeting, had 6 others, picked out a textbook, started writing curriculum, went to family events twice (which is so. Much. Closer now...), gotten lost about a billion times, and have had a general blast.

I'd write more now but the Unisom just kicked in.

Moving blows.

I hate moving. I hate packing, I hate schelepping, I hate unpacking. And since this will be roughly my fifteenth move in 12 years, you'd think I'd have this down pat. But I don't; I procrastinate as much as I can and then stress the fuck out at the last minute. So far, par for the course. The excitement of getting a job and the initial rush to pack has ebbed, and knowing that I have two weeks is dangerous. "Oh sure" I tell myself, "you can watch the weekly SVU marathon all day because you're not moving for two whole weeks."

Maybe I should pack up the TV.

It also doesn't help that we're moving back into an apartment. The place we're in now is amazing- it's a 100 year old duplex with hardwood floors and an upstairs and a basement. There are built-ins and original tile in the bathroom. It has completely spoiled me for having to move back into a beige apartment. The *only* reason haven't held out for something better is that there IS nothing better because we have dogs. Our little guy, Ziggy, is no problem, but Shelby is a big dog (60-70 lbs) and most of the places have weight limits of 30 lbs. So this place will let us have both, and it has a pool and is 20 minutes from the Indiana Dunes, so it won't suck while it's still warm out. Winter will be boring, I'm sure, but by then I'll be ass deep in the spring musical, so maybe I won't notice.

I think I'm fixating on the move because once that's taken care of, I will have to write an curriculum and prepare for the coming school year, and if I didn't admit to being nervous, I'd be lying. Excited, but terrified.

YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME HOW MUCH?!?

I got a job.

A REAL, BIG-GIRL, CAREER TYPE JOB. Holy hell, I'm in such a state that I got it several days ago and I'm just now posting this. Because it's in another state, and I have to move, and I've been packing and looking for a house and OH MY GOD I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!

There is the eternal cynic in me that doesn't trust this 100% until the paperwork is signed. Like, we told our current landlord that we're out at the end of the month and I nearly had a panic attack because in 27 days we'll be homeless unless I find us something, and dear GOD WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY CALL AND SAY, "HA HA, JUST KIDDING!" AND WE'RE STUCK IN FUCKING INDIANA LIVING OUT OF A UHAUL???"

I'm better now. Largely because in the interview the principal let it slip that I was the only applicant that had the right kind of certification and also because I'm going up on Wednesday to sign my letter of intent and to look at a house that's 3 blocks from Lake Michigan (BEACH!!!). And dreaming about my new position as a Drama/English teacher in a high school. Holy shit, I'm terrified. However, the theatre I will be occupying for what I hope is a long time seats over 2,000. Which is larger than the "state-of-the-art" facility my college alma mater spent millions and 6 years building. HA! Take that, higher education!

I should point out that at the time of this posting it is the 4th of July and I've been drinking. Because right now, a beer is a better idea than packing. Woot!

Okay. Maybe not so depressing.

I have another job interview on Wednesday. It's another out-of-state job, but since it's right on the Indiana border, I'll actually be closer to my family in the Chicago burbs than I am currently, and we're in the same state. Aside from that, the other advantages includes 1. It's not Illinois, which has it's head so far up it's ass when it comes to education that 200,000 teachers have been laid off statewide and programs have been cut due to lack of funding, and 2. the principal, who sounded really nice and not the least bit intimidating, said she was having a hard time finding someone who could teach both Drama and English (which I find odd, but I'm not questioning fate). So, I went and actually bought a new dress (more out of necessity, since stressing over finances has me down about 20 lbs., and they frown upon you showing up to interview naked...) and I'll go to the 'rents the night before (mostly so I can weasel a free mani/pedi out of my mom), and I'll keep y'all posted. I'm sure if I get it, you'll hear the celebratory screaming.

This is the most fucking depressing blog ever.

I really wish I had good news. Lord knows I could use it about now. I'm on the tail end of another meltdown... it's amazing what kind of stupid shit will set you off when you're already fragile. There's this Jack-in-the-Box commercial, the one with the talking sandwiches, and a secretary pops her head in to gently chide the large-headed CEO about something or other. I went to college with that secretary. She has apparently started getting nationwide campaigns, and I can't even get a job at fucking Target. I gave up the idea of being a professional actor because I didn't want to have to work three jobs to make ends meet (HA!). I want to teach because I wanted to make a difference in the world, even if it's just in the lives of a few kids. And now I'm willing to give that up just to have a steady paycheck. Hell, health insurance would be nice, but let's not go crazy here. I'm finding that I'm overqualified for anything around here, yet underexperienced to actually land a job in my field.

I want to go to bed for a week.